Click Comment to read my response to a friend’s blog post that discussed “middle class” spending habits:
December 5, 2009
December 2, 2009
The impossible search for “normal” in sexuality.
I contributed the following posts to the discussion that followed Women Who Want to Want – NYTimes.com by Daniel Bergner (November 24, 2009). A mediocre article generated some interesting comments. I feel sorry for some very unhappy, frustrated and confused people out there. Societal pressure is no help and often can make things worse.
My first post:
I am not impressed with the article, which is basically a rehash of the impressions of one clinician in the area who gives no hard data. I am a long-time reader of the NYTimes and am disappointed with the superficiality of its current “science” reporting. The range of human sexuality is enormous and natural. Partners need experience to recognize compatibility and incompatibility (not wishful thinking). Be it necessary as breathing, a finer sense like an exquisite wine, or “a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle” (some feminists of the ‘60’s) – it’s fine if your partner is on the same page. Surprising number of wives complain their husbands have no sexual desire or understanding, particularly after a few years of marriage. Getting out of shape is often a factor.
My second post:
The breath and range of sexuality is enormous and yet “natural.” As I mentioned in a previous post, it is important that partners are matched in their degree of interest/disinterest and how they go about it. I met the love of my life about a decade ago. It all goes together for us — social activities, intellectual pursuits, intimacies, sex, loving care and concern, family. We work to make it happen, but it doesn’t feel like work. We are prepared to adjust to change, and part of my Quaker vow was to help my wife live her life fully and authentically, where ever it might lead her. We know we are together because we want to be. We’re just back from a post-Thanksgiving camping/hiking trip in the woods, and we had a great time in and out of the tent, with near freezing temperatures and heavy winds. We consider ourselves so fortunate.
My third post:
What’s this about having to “work to stay desirable”? To me, “desirable” means respecting yourself enough to keep your body healthy and fit. In the bedroom, who cares about the latest fashion in clothes? I’m the one who posted #188. We’re not kids. Staying desirable is no work, it’s fun!
Political Correctness, and Liberals and Conservatives (so-called)
I consider myself to be liberal in that I believe in freedom of thought and expression. Political Correctness hampers the thought process through the enforcement of linguistic conventions. I contributed the following post to the discussion that followed Political Correctness Revisited – NYTimes.com by Stanley Fish (November 30, 2009). The author was concerned that there are a disproportionate number of “liberals” in the liberal arts of universities and that they aren’t liberal anyhow and misuse tenure to push their own agenda. Other commentators offered explanations for why there would be relatively few conservatives in the liberal arts and relatively few liberals in business. Unfortunately, there are some so-called liberals that are not liberal in their thought process or dealings with others. There is ample evidence of this same fault among conservatives, also unfortunately. Many words such as “liberal” and “conservative” have become so politicized as to be essentially meaningless in any other context. Is “liberal” a particular political position, and if so, please define it? Or is it simply open-mindedness to listen and consider all ideas, new or old.
My post:
Most academics are liberals, most CEOs and Chairmen of the Board are conservatives. Is this an imbalance that we need to remedy? In any case, we know where the money (and the power) resides in this country.
Personally, inside class I am traditional. Outside of class I am untraditional, and I have injected significant ideas and controversies into my academic community. I feel strongly that this has been a positive contribution to the institution. I am grateful for tenure as it relates to academic freedom. For many years I was the sole support for a family of five, and I believe that my employment otherwise could have been jeopardized by some of my peaceful out-of-classroom activities.