Paul's Perambulations a personal blog

Here is my letter published in the August 2005 issue of Friends Journal:

I found your recent material on marriage to be particuarly relevant for me.  I am getting married this fall under the care of Lansdowne (PA) Meeting, and this has sent me on a journey to consider the spiritual meaning of marriage and its relationship (if any) to the state’s concept of marriage (defined strictly as a legal contract).  I had intended to be married under the care of the meeting but to not apply for a license, and then ask to have the marriage recognized by Pennsylvania. But Pennsylvania abolished common law marriage as of January 1, 2005.  So I will be getting a license to get married, just like folks have to get a dog license or a driver’s license.  But at least for a driver’s license, the state requires some exhibition of capability with respect to what it is allowing.  How can the state “allow” marriage at all?  Governmental history in this regard is abysmal — less than half a century ago, interracial marriage was still illegal in Virginia (until this was oveturned by the U.S. Supreme Court).  In the first half of the 20th century, many states (not just in the south) had miscegenation laws regarding marriage.

Our Quaker Meeting for Marriage was unusual in a number of ways, even for a Quaker marriage (ask me about it).  One idea came too late for incorporation into the Meeting ceremony.  At the start of Meeting (there was no wedding march) I spoke about how I first met Fran on the proverbial “dark and stormy night” in the woods, and how that set in motion the most significant change in my life.   After a pause for reflection, Chopin’s Revolution Etude bursts forth from our Meeting’s fine old grand piano. If you’re familiar with the piece (very difficult to play), you can image jaws dropping.  But, musically, it perfectly reflects our first meeting.  Well, I wasn’t able to set it up in time with Curtis, but I still smile to think of it.  You don’t hear THAT very often at a wedding.  But there’s still a chance, at the 10th anniversary repetition of our vows. If you want to hear what I’m talking about… http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Frederic_Chopin_-_Opus_10_-_Twelve_Grand_Etudes_-_c_minor.ogg