Paul’s Perambulations

January 26, 2011

Dating and Marriage

Filed under: Love,Recreation — admin @ 9:19 pm

I started dating during the final disintegration of my former marriage. It is my experience that dating progresses through several stages. At first it can be fun and exciting to meet new people and enjoy their company. But this pales after a while. So I focused on finding someone whom I would naturally want to have as a good friend, with the hope that the woman would continue as a friend for life after the particular dating relationship had ended. As a result, I dated most people only once or twice. Sometimes I was on the receiving end of this practice – that’s fine and natural. Eventually I developed a few relationships and made some good friends. But this pales after a while. I decided to focus on finding the “right” person after it became apparent that dating and making good friends was not enough.  At this point I usually found no point in dating someone who had been dating for a number of years, because they evidenced no expectation of anything more substantial ever happening.   They had become trapped in the rut of dating and having relationships as an end in themselves.

 I ended up having a few relationships (always for a year or more), and these dear friends continue to be good friends. And I found what I had been seeking when I met wonderful Fran, who knows everything about me. It is gratifying to consider that perhaps no one was happier for me at our wedding than some of these special friends.

Marriage, and particularly marriage to Fran, changes one’s life yet again. For example, my favorite recreations used to be canoeing, running, classical music, rock & roll and dance. Things had been pretty much that way since youth.  Fran reinvents herself every ten years or oftener. Now my/our activities have turned to back packing, vegetarian food of SE Asia (that’s a surprise on me), mushrooming, hiking/camping, etc. Do I miss the old ways? Better to say that I remember them fondly but appreciate that I couldn’t be doing the things I do now if I had held on to the old.

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